1. Never disparage your former spouse in front of your children. Because children know
they are "part mom" and "part dad," the criticism can batter the
child’s self-esteem.
2. Do not use your children as messengers between you and your former spouse. The less
the children feel a part of the battle between their parents, the better.
3. Reassure your children that they are loved and that the divorce is not their fault.
Many children assume that they are to blame for their parents’ hostility.
4. Encourage your children to see your former spouse frequently. Do everything within
your power to accommodate the visitation.
5. At every step during your divorce, remind yourself that your children’s
interests – not yours – are paramount, and act accordingly. Lavish them with
love at each opportunity.
6. Your children may be tempted to act as your caretaker. Resist the temptation to let
them. Let your peers, adult family members and mental health professionals be your
counselors and sounding board. Let your children be children.
7. If you have a drinking or drug problem, get counseling right away. An impairment
inhibits your ability to reassure your children and give them the attention they need at
this difficult time.
8. If you are the non-custodial parent, pay your child support. The loss of income
facing many children after divorce puts them at a financial disadvantage that has a
pervasive effect on the rest of their lives.
9. If you are the custodial parent and you are not receiving child support, do not tell
your children. It feeds into the child’s sense of abandonment and further erodes his
stability.
10. If at all possible, do not uproot your children. Stability in their residence and
school life helps buffer children from the trauma of their parents’ divorce.
